The Decision
For my whole life I have struggled with my weight. I have been classified as a
chubby child, chunky teen, overweight young adult, and now morbidly obese adult.
Though I have learned to accept my body, I have never been happy with my body.
(That sounds contradictory, but it makes sense in my brain.) But more than that,
as I have aged my health has declined rapidly.
Around 2011 I was officially
diagnosed with hypertension and type 2 diabetes. I was quickly placed on blood
pressure medications and aggressively told that I needed insulin. Being placed on
insulin did not sit right with me. I fought it for a while but eventually gave
in thinking my doctor knew best. I learned later, from other patients'
experiences, that this particular doctor was known for pushing unnecessary
medicines too quickly. Later doctors have all said that the decision to begin
insulin was rushed; I should have been allowed a longer period of adjustment
between diet and oral medications. But once on insulin, you are now dependent
upon that insulin "for good." That egregious diagnosis - insulin "for good" -
has haunted me. It has been a harrowing road trying to balance sugar and carb
intake, glucose readings, and the dreaded A1C. Sadly, I am losing that battle.
I
have also been diagnosed with polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). This disease
plagues women with issues such as irregular menstrual cycles, excessive weight
gain and the inability to lose, thinning hair, difficulty getting pregnant,
among other symptoms. Basically, between T2 diabetes and PCOS, I have a genetic
structure that largely inhibits my ability to lose any weight. I have tried
every diet fad, food plan, and weight loss program (Optavia, TOPS, etc.) under
the sun. I was even once prescribed phentermine by a doctor. Most of these
worked for a while. I would lose 20-30 pounds and then hit a never-moving
plateau.
Many friends and family have suggested, "Why don't you get weight loss
surgery?" as a solution to my problems. I have fought it tooth and nail. Why?
Several reasons. 1 - I wanted to lose weight naturally. Depending upon a
surgical procedure to aid me felt like a failure. Yet so did every time I
"failed" at a diet. 2 - I was afraid of the procedure. I have known others in
the past who have died from complications, lost weight and then gained it back
plus some, and have new medical issues due to the surgery. This still gives me
pause. 3 - I'm a pain wimp. I've been through other surgeries and really did not
want to endure another.
So why decide to have weight loss surgery now? Basically,
I can no longer continue on the path I am on and fully live. Not only do I
struggle with hypertension, T2 diabetes, and PCOS, but my quality of life is
sorely diminished from what it once was. I get winded walking short distances,
have frequent headaches/migraines, suffer from horrific lower back and hip pain,
and stay exhausted. Now granted I am in my 40s and age is a definitive factor,
but my obesity is the leading cause of my aches and pains. And because of this,
I have difficulty enjoying the things I once loved - travel, photography, family
gatherings, etc. I am miserable and I refuse to live my life as a statistic.
I
understand that weight loss surgery is not the BIG ANSWER. It will be a
difficult journey and I will stumble on occasion, but accepting it as a tool to
a better life, I firmly believe that this decision is the best for me at this
time in my life. It took a lot to convince myself - especially to not view it as
a failure but a resource - but I know this is what I must do - for myself and
for my family.
CW - 273
GW - 170
Initial consultation - 5/31